so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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