so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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