she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
