I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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