idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Duck Duck Cougar?
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
