does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
