They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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