Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
