i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
