Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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