I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
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