Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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