Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
