You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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