oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
