You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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