If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
