I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
so that wasnt chicken after all
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
