It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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