I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
