He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
