You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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