You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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