so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
When did angry sex become our thing?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Randomize
