You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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