She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
