Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
