Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
