Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Welp...herpes.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
