and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize