u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
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