Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
