A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize