Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
My ass is underappreciated
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
