boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize