I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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