im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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