Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
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