K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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