Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
