I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Randomize
