I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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