saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
