yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize