I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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