I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
