Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
