Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize