Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
