She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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