and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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