i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
