If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I think a kid would responsible me up
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
