Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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