he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
