Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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