That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
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