Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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