If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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