i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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