just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
