I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
