just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
