R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Too much gin, very little bucket
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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