It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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