It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
