You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize