I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
The air was thick with penises
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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