I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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