I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize