im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
