I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
