My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
