And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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