never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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