So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
