Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
