I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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