Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
