Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I can't turn off my feet"
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Congratulations! We have a period
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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