I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
