i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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