im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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