dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
