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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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