and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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