Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize