Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
