apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
i need some magic done to my vagina
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
