i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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