Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Is this like a preordered booty call?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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