Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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