Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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