This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
cat food counts as protein by the way
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
