not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
