haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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