this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
