I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
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