And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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