We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize