'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
