She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize