I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
